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Two and a Half Men

262 episodes in 12 seasons – 811 users following

Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him.…Read more Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.

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Season 12

S12E01 The Ol' Mexican Spinach	S12E02 A Chic Bar in Ibiza	S12E03 Glamping in a Yurt
S12E04 Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight	S12E05 Oontz, Oontz, Oontz	S12E06 Alan Shot a Little Girl
S12E07 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner	S12E08 Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey	S12E09 Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
S12E10 Here I Come, Pants!	S12E11 For Whom the Booty Calls	S12E12 A Beer Battered Rip-Off
S12E13 Boompa Loved His Hookers	S12E14 Don’t Give a Monkey a Gun	S12E15 Of Course He's Dead (1)
S12E16 Of Course He's Dead (2)

Season 11

S11E01 Nangnangnangnang	S11E02 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball	S11E03 This Unblessed Biscuit
S11E04 Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank	S11E05 Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003	S11E06 Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
S11E07 Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie	S11E08 Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.	S11E09 Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
S11E10 On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!	S11E11 Tazed In the Lady Nuts	S11E12 Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
S11E13 Bite Me, Supreme Court	S11E14 Three Fingers of Creme De Menthe	S11E15 Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
S11E16 How to Get Rid of Alan Harper	S11E17 Welcome Home, Jake	S11E18 West Side Story
S11E19 Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang	S11E20 Lotta Delis In Little Armenia	S11E21 Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
S11E22 Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

Season 10

S10E01 I Changed My Mind About the Milk	S10E02 A Big Bag of Dog	S10E03 Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
S10E04 You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For	S10E05 That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam	S10E06 Ferrets, Attack
S10E07 Avoid the Chinese Mustard	S10E08 Something My Gynecologist Said	S10E09 I Scream When I Pee
S10E10 One Nut Johnson	S10E11 Give Santa a Tail-Hole	S10E12 Welcome to Alancrest
S10E13 Grab a Feather and Get in Line	S10E14 Run, Steven Staven! Run!	S10E15 Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
S10E16 Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby	S10E17 Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries	S10E18 The 9:04 from Pemberton
S10E19 Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon	S10E20 Bazinga! That's from a TV Show	S10E21 Another Night with Neil Diamond
S10E22 My Bodacious Vidalia	S10E23 Cows, Prepare to be Tipped

Season 09

S09E01 Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt	S09E02 People Who Love Peepholes	S09E03 Big Girls Don't Throw Food
S09E04 Nine Magic Fingers	S09E05 A Giant Cat Holding a Churro	S09E06 The Squat and the Hover
S09E07 Those Fancy Japanese Toilets	S09E08 Thank You for the Intercourse	S09E09 Frodo's Headshots
S09E10 A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes	S09E11 What a Lovely Landing Strip	S09E12 One False Move, Zimbabwe!
S09E13 Slowly and in a Circular Fashion	S09E14 A Possum On Chemo	S09E15 The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
S09E16 Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy	S09E17 Not in My Mouth!	S09E18 The War Against Gingivitis
S09E19 Palmdale, Ech	S09E20 Grandma's Pie	S09E21 Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
S09E22 Why We Gave Up Women	S09E23 The Straw in My Donut Hole	S09E24 Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

Season 08

S08E01 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud	S08E02 A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer	S08E03 A Pudding-Filled Cactus
S08E04 Hookers, Hookers, Hookers	S08E05 The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel	S08E06 Twanging Your Magic Clanger
S08E07 The Crazy Bitch Gazette	S08E08 Springtime on a Stick	S08E09 A Good Time in Central Africa
S08E10 Ow, Ow, Don't Stop	S08E11 Dead from the Waist Down	S08E12 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
S08E13 Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup	S08E14 Lookin' for Japanese Subs	S08E15 Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
S08E16 That Darn Priest

Season 07

S07E01 818-JKLPUZO	S07E02 Whipped Unto the Third Generation	S07E03 Mmm, Fish. Yum.
S07E04 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator	S07E05 For the Sake of the Child	S07E06 Give Me Your Thumb
S07E07 Untainted By Filth	S07E08 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.	S07E09 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
S07E10 That's Why They Call It Ball Room	S07E11 Warning, It's Dirty	S07E12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
S07E13 Yay, No Polyps!	S07E14 Crude and Uncalled For	S07E15 Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
S07E16 Tinkle Like a Princess	S07E17 I Found Your Moustache	S07E18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day
S07E19 Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave	S07E20 I Called Him Magoo	S07E21 Gumby with a Pokey
S07E22 This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 06

S06E01 Taterhead Is Our Love Child	S06E02 Pie Hole, Herb	S06E03 Damn You, Eggs Benedict
S06E04 The Flavin' and the Mavin'	S06E05 A Jock Strap in Hell	S06E06 It's Always Nazi Week
S06E07 Best H.O. Money Can Buy	S06E08 Pinocchio's Mouth	S06E09 The Mooch at the Boo
S06E10 He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited	S06E11 The Devil's Lube	S06E12 Thank God for Scoliosis
S06E13 I Think You Offended Don	S06E14 David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie	S06E15 I'd Like to Start with the Cat
S06E16 She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime	S06E17 The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?	S06E18 My Son's Enormous Head
S06E19 The Two Finger Rule	S06E20 Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau	S06E21 Above Exalted Cyclops
S06E22 Sir Lancelot's Litter Box	S06E23 Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth	S06E24 Baseball Was Better With Steroids

Season 05

S05E01 Large Birds, Spiders and Mom	S05E02 Media Room Slash Dungeon	S05E03 Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
S05E04 City of Great Racks	S05E05 Putting Swim Fins on a Cat	S05E06 Help Daddy Find His Toenail
S05E07 The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room	S05E08 Is There a Mrs. Waffles?	S05E09 Tight's Good
S05E10 Kinda Like Necrophilia	S05E11 Meander to Your Dander	S05E12 A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
S05E13 The Soil Is Moist	S05E14 Winky-Dink Time	S05E15 Rough Night In Hump Junction
S05E16 Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty	S05E17 Fish in a Drawer	S05E18 If My Hole Could Talk
S05E19 Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 04

S04E01 Working for Caligula	S04E02 Who's Vod Kanockers?	S04E03 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
S04E04 A Pot Smoking Monkey	S04E05 A Live Woman of Proven Fertility	S04E06 Apologies for the Frivolity
S04E07 Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head	S04E08 Release the Dogs	S04E09 Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
S04E10 Kissing Abe Lincoln	S04E11 Walnuts and Demerol	S04E12 Castrating Sheep in Montana
S04E13 Don't Worry, Speed Racer	S04E14 That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami	S04E15 My Damn Stalker
S04E16 Young People Have Phlegm Too	S04E17 I Merely Slept with a Commie	S04E18 It Never Rains in Hooterville
S04E19 Smooth as a Ken Doll	S04E20 Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot	S04E21 Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
S04E22 Mr. McGlue's Feedbag	S04E23 Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin	S04E24 Prostitutes and Gelato

Season 03

S03E01 Weekend In Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts	S03E02 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover	S03E03 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
S03E04 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs	S03E05 We Called It Mr. Pinky	S03E06 Hi, Mr. Horned One
S03E07 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop	S03E08 That Voodoo That I Do Do	S03E09 Madame and Her Special Friend
S03E10 Something Salted and Twisted	S03E11 Santa's Village of the Damned	S03E12 That Special Tug
S03E13 Humiliation is a visual medium	S03E14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded	S03E15 My Tongue is Meat
S03E16 Ergo, the Booty Call	S03E17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauser	S03E18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler
S03E19 Golly Moses, She's a Muffin	S03E20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro	S03E21 And the Plot Moistens
S03E22 Just Once With Aunt Sophie	S03E23 Arguments for the Quickie	S03E24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 02

S02E01 Back Off, Mary Poppins	S02E02 Enjoy Those Garlic Balls	S02E03 A Bag Full of Jawea
S02E04 Go Get Mommy's Bra	S02E05 Bad News from the Clinic?	S02E06 The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
S02E07 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana	S02E08 Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers	S02E09 Yes, Monsignor
S02E10 The Salmon Under My Sweater	S02E11 Last Chance to See Those Tattoos	S02E12 A Lungful of Alan
S02E13 Zejdz Z Moich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)	S02E14 Those Big Pink Things with Coconut	S02E15 Smell the Umbrella Stand
S02E16 Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?	S02E17 Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!	S02E18 It Was 'Mame', Mom
S02E19 A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise	S02E20 I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey	S02E21 A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
S02E22 That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother	S02E23 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab	S02E24 Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 01

S01E00 TBA	S01E01 Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)	S01E02 Big Flappy Bastards
S01E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell	S01E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap	S01E05 The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
S01E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?	S01E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake	S01E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful
S01E09 Phase One, Complete	S01E10 Merry Thanksgiving	S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
S01E12 Camel Filters + Pheromones	S01E13 Sarah Like Puny Alan	S01E14 I Can't Afford Hyenas
S01E15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick	S01E16 That Was Saliva, Alan	S01E17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
S01E18 An Old Flame With a New Wick	S01E19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You	S01E20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
S01E21 No Sniffing, No Wowing	S01E22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet	S01E23 Just Like Buffalo
S01E24 Can You Feel My Finger?	S01E26 TBA

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